let's be honest, I've never met a cliche I didn't like

[angelgazing]

Because there is no such thing as too much of a good thing, especially if you live in paradise:

The Hawaii Five-0 Cliche Meme

Fake boyfriends, accidental marriages, and amnesia, OH MY!

Whatever your poison, whatever you favorite cliche, it's open and allowed here. Want to see Steve and Danny make out for cover and discover their ~true feelings? What about when they have to pretend to be boyfriends to keep cover? When they're forced to share a bed all ~platonic-like for weeks and keep waking up cuddling and then can't sleep without each other? Maybe Grace playing matchmaker? The one where everyone but them realizes they're married? Danny gets de-aged to six and Steve has to take care of him? Steve gets magicked into a tiny, angry kitten and/or dragon? They one where they must cuddle for warmth to survive?

Maybe that isn't your flavor. Maybe you want the one where Kono is a punk rock princess that keeps getting into trouble? Or where Chin loses his memory and thinks he's back on the HPD force. Maybe the one where Kono is secretly a criminal mastermind, working the team from the inside. Or where she has the chance return to her pro surfing career and must choose. How about one where Chin goes on an epic road trip?

There is no bad cliche! Whatever your favorite, I promise I want to read/see it, too.

The Rules

♥ Every cliche welcome!
♥ All pairings, ratings, mediums, and genres can be included!
♥ Any word count works!
♥ Have fun and be kind. ♥♥♥

Comment and share the love! ♥

Comments

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 1/?

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Tale As Old As All This Island Bullshit. Or, Why Danny Feels His Hatred Of Coconuts Is Justified

~*~

Grace has a stack of fairy tale books taller than she is, and Danny’s never been one to deny his little girl anything, so he’s read all of them multiple times. He knows about the magic slippers and the poison apples and, the fairy tale fix-all, True Love’s kiss.

Trust him, all of that is pretty much burned into his brain. And if you really wanted to know his opinion, he blames shitty parenting for any of that every happening, but that’s beside the point. He knows all the fairytales; he just never thought any of them were, you know, real.

He’s still not sure that he believes it, and that’s in the face of smashed-open coconut leaking all over Steve’s kitchen floor, the gnarled finger shoved into Steve’s chest by the old woman who seems to have appeared out of thin air, and the promise of some sort of mystical sleeping fit until forever and a day or some other bullshit. Steve hits the deck after that. Well, he starts to, but his fall is halted halfway down and he fucking levitates to rest on the table, hands folded atop his stomach.

Then the old lady— witch, Danny corrects himself— disappears in a puff of smoke. A goddamn actual puff of curling purple smoke, for chrissakes. Danny is not cut out for this shit.

The first thing he does is call Kono. Okay, no that’s a lie. First, he checks Steve’s pulse— so, sue him, like he’s going to trust the word of some gnarled sea hag when it comes to his partner’s life, okay?

“Alright, okay, first of all, I just want it to be known that I am not the crazy one here, are we clear on that? I am the sensible, sane one, who upholds things like due process and doesn’t get old women popping up in my kitchen and magically whammying me into a hundred year long-sleep, or whatever bullshit fairytale we’re after here. That shit doesn’t happen to me.” Danny runs his hand through his hair, tugging at loose strands and completely destroying the grip of the gel he’d combed in so carefully this morning. This morning. Way back when he thought today was going to be—well, not normal, but at least normal for them. This? This was in no way normal.

“Danny, what are you talking about? Is everything okay?”

“No, nope. Nuh-uh. Everything is not okay. Our resident crazyass SEAL apparently pissed of the magical powers that be and reside in fucking mystical palm trees in the middle of nowhere. And, let me tell you, pissing off those particular powers leads to old women popping out of coconuts and said crazyass SEAL taking a nap on the kitchen table after some handwaving shit. And then the smoke! Purple, curling smoke. This doesn’t happen outside of Disney movies, Kono, it just doesn’t!”

“Okay, Danny, just—try to calm down. Chin and I will be there soon.” Kono’s tone is filled with more than a little disbelief underneath all the heavy sounds of worry. She probably thinks he’s fucking lost. Hell, maybe he has.

Danny sinks down onto one of the kitchen chairs and glares at Steve’s snoring body. “I blame you for all of this, just so we’re clear.”

Steve snores louder, probably just to spite Danny, the jerk.

~*~

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 2/?

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

The fact that the first words out of Kono’s mouth upon entering the house were, “Oh, fuck, you weren’t kidding!” doesn’t exactly lift Danny’s spirits.

Chin’s already crouching down next to the coconut pieces and examining them. Danny notes distantly that they are fucking glowing now, and he had no idea how me missed that, but whatever. It all seems pretty par for the course now.

“No, I was not fucking kidding.” Danny grumbles, tugging at his hair again.

Kono gives a quick shrug, apologetic with a hint of ‘can you blame me?’ woven in.

“So,” Chin says, “What exactly happened?”

Danny sighs heavily. “I don’t even know, honestly. It’s all smoke and pointing and then our, uh, little princess over there was out for the count.”

“Steve was cursed?” Kono asks. “Why would someone do that?”

“And why did they show up in a coconut?” Chin raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s all very mysterious. The important thing here is that, we need to wake Sleeping Beauty over there up, and I am not crazy. Just tacking that on there.” Danny had been worried about that last point for a while, but now at least Chin and Kono have joined him on the afternoon express to crazy town, if nothing else.

Kono gnaws on her bottom lip for a second. “Well, have you tried anything to wake him up?”

“Have I tri—” Danny breaks off into a laugh. “No, I didn’t try to wake him up. Of course I tried to wake him up! He’s been slapped, splashed, and forced to sit through as much Springsteen as I had on my phone blasting into his ear at full volume. And none of it did shit. So, I’m out of ideas here.”

Chin and Kono exchange looks over Danny’s head, but he ignores them in favor of tightening his grip on Steve’s hand, which he doesn’t remember taking in the first place, but whatever. Today is just like that, he decides. Steve just goes on sleeping, letting out the odd snore here and there.

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Well, it's all posted now! that counts as more? :D?

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[angelgazing.livejournal.com]

OMG! Sleeping Steve! Danny freaking out! AH MOAR, PLEASE.

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 3/?

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

~*~

Chin pulls open a search on his phone and started looking through myths and legends, and as much as Danny wanted to protest that this in no way counted as research, he found that it was the only thing that even made sense. That didn’t keep him from griping, “What, so we stick a pea under him, and if he feels it, than he turns back into a real boy?”

Kono blinks and shakes her head. “That’s—never mind. Let’s stick to things more closely related to our problem, first, okay?”

“Okay, sleeping curses. What do we do for those?” Danny claps his hands together, and can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.

Chin shrugs. “Well, I would say it sounds like we’re dealing with an island spirit, but I don’t know any legends that fit this description. And there is nothing about appearing out of coconuts. The only thing I could think of would be the work of Kupua?”

“Great, and what does that tell us?” Danny asks.

The slump of Chin’s shoulder doesn’t look promising. “Sorry, brah, I don’t think we’re going to find anything helpful through this.”

Danny makes a frustrated sound and tries to think of something, anything that could fix this mess. A hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

“Maybe he’ll wake up on his own,” Kono suggests, trying to smile reassuringly.

Danny responds with a hollow, “Maybe”.


They move Steve into his bedroom, partly because it’s more comfortably and a little bit because Danny isn’t sure how long that poor tale could hold up under Steve’s gargantuan frame.

Chin and Kono head out for the night, making him promise to call them if the situation changes, and also to get some sleep because he looks like shit. There are few things Danny would love more right now than to get some sleep, but yeah. He’s pretty sure that isn’t happening tonight. In fact, he’s pretty sure he’s going to be up all night watching every fairy tale movie he can pull up on this stupid phone with the internet and that Tube website. WeTube or something.

By the time morning comes and Chin and Kono return, Danny had passed out in a chair by Steve’s bed, his phone forgotten on the phone.

Danny startles awake as the alarm on Steve’s phone goes off. Steve doesn’t so much as stir. That’s when yesterday’s events sink back in and Danny contemplates going back to sleep to see if this time he’d wake up from this bizarre dream.

Kono slips into the room, carrying a cup of coffee she hands to Danny and he accepts with a small smile. “Still snoring away, huh?”

“Yeah, like a freighter.” Danny shakes his head.

Chin comes in a few minutes later, with a bunch of malasadas and ensemadas from Liliha Bakery. Honestly, Danny has never loved them more, even if this reeks like some sort of diversion tactic. He doesn’t even know. Sleeping next to his cursed partner is probably making him paranoid.

~*~

The problem is that, it’s been three days, and Steve’s still doing a spot-on impersonation of Sleeping Beauty, Danny’s pretty much moved into his place, and nothing is working. No, really.

Attempts to break the curse to date:

1. The previously mentioned slapping, shaking, and Springsteen-blaring wake-up call.

2. A collection of good luck charms, ranging from rabbit’s feet to a penny Danny found outside.

3. Dunking Steve in the ocean outside at dusk, attributed to the first site Kono found when searching “ways to break curses”

4. A goddamn pea stuffed under Steve’s mattress. Turns out, he’s not a real princess seeing as he’s still napping like a baby after bottle time.

5. Continual burning of incense. The bright side is that, Steve’s place smells less like dust and fresh spackle.

6. Danny will deny this one if ever asked, but, he did try putting every pair of shoes Steve owned on his feet, in a fit of desperation on the second night.

Pretty much, at this point, Danny was thinking of calling up one of them Potter actor kids or whoever and seeing if any of them were actually wizards, because well, crazier things had already happened.

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 4/?

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Anyway, the problem was that Danny had Grace this afternoon, and Rachel and Stan were taking a weekend trip, so it wasn’t really negotiable. Not that Danny ever minded spending time with his little girl, it was just—he didn’t know how to explain Sleeping Steve to her. Because, yeah, he read her fairy tales and all that, but that was with the expectation that she would grow to accept that magic wasn’t real someday. Far in the future. Kids have to be able to believe in things like magic when they were little, that was just how the world worked. He wasn’t going to go around messing with that by making it scary and real.

He still doesn’t want to leave Steve for the whole weekend, which he knows doesn’t make much sense. It’s not like Danny’s been really accomplishing anything hanging around like this, and Kono’s offered to take over, at least for the weekend. He can—he could take her up on it, just for the day, then bring Grace over on Sunday for some time at the beach and tell her that Steve had to go do something at the office. It could work.

Danny tries not to read too much into the relief in Kono’s face when he agrees to go home, since Grace was getting dropped off in a few hours, and Danny hadn’t been to his apartment for days.

~*~

Danny hardly sleeps at all that night, despite the bone-deep exhaustion he feels and the comfort at getting to sleep vertically on a surface that wasn’t primarily intended for sitting. It just seems to quiet. Even with the sounds of Grace talking in her sleep intermittently, it just isn’t quite right. He can’t pinpoint the problem, though, so he kept tossing and turning until morning.

Grace stumbles out of bed at around ten o’clock. Sometimes, Danny swears she’s already turning into a teenager or something because just a couple of years back, she would have been up by six and ready to watch cartoons with him.

Danny makes pancakes while Grace plans their day, rollerskating is apparently the theme of the week and Danny is already planning how he can get out of this one without a bruised tailbone among other things. He calls Kono when Grace is ordering their shaved ice in the park; no change

~*~

Saturday night is just as restless, though Danny has a few bruises to add to the mix. Coordination and things strapped to your feet was just not a balanced equation. One did not equal the other. This is why he makes Grace wear a helmet, elbow pads, and knee pads, no matter how many times she gives him the puppy dog eyes.

He thinks about calling Kono again, but after the fifth call, when Grace was rushing her teeth, Kono made Danny promise that he wouldn’t call again unless the witch showed up. She sounded more than a little annoyed when she said it, too, but Danny couldn’t help it. He’d gotten used to checking up on Steve throughout the day. He’d even gotten used to his stupid snoring, after a while.

Needless to say, Danny was glad when Sunday morning rolled around and he got to go back h— to Steve’s place. Grace was just as excited about swimming; Danny swears living in Hawaii has made her half fish.

Danny manages to lure Grace back out of the water and into the house with promise of lunch at half past one. Of course, she sneaks into Steve’s room when she was supposed to be putting on dry clothes. Danny finds her sitting with Kono at the foot of Steve’s bed.

“Grace, monkey, what are you doing in here? Lunch is on the table, come on.” Danny places a hand on her back to guide her out of the room.

“Is he ever going to wake up, Danno?” She asks, eyes wide. He wants to reassure her that, yes, absolutely Steve will wake up. He is super SEAL after all, he’s not going to be defeated by a little napping-curse. But Danny’s been wondering the same thing lately.

He bites the inside of his lip before answering. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Well, if he’s cursed, you can break that, right? They always break it in the movies!”

“We’re trying, babe. We’re trying so hard.” Danny crouches down next to her and cupping her face. “Okay? Good. Now, come on, your grilled cheese is getting cold, and now you hate it when the cheese gets all crusty.”

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 5/?

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Grace questions him about how they’ve been trying to break the curse in between mouthfuls of grilled cheese, and Danny dutifully tells her the list in his head, and he doesn’t even leave out the thing with the shoes. Grace takes a large gulp of her juice and then fixes Danny with her most serious look. “But Danno, you guys didn’t try the kissing thing!”

Danny’s pretty sure his eyebrows just became a permanent part of his hair, they migrated up there so quickly.

“The kissing thing?” he repeats slowly.

Grace nods. “Yeah, like in Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Enchanted and the Princess and the Frog, and even Shrek.”

And in less than five minutes, his daughter had come up with a plan that had more resources backing it than anything they had turned up in the past few days. When Kono walks in and gets a glass of water, Grace repeats her solution.

“What could it hurt?” Kono shrugs. Grace is beaming brighter than anything, and Danny’s just wondering how far Catherine is from shore this time.

As he’s speculating this, Grace takes Kono’s hand and practically drags her up the stairs again, shouting for Danny to follow them. Okay, so they’re doing this now.

When they reach Steve’s room, Grace points Kono towards the bed and explains, “In the Princess and the Frog, the princess broke it, so you could do it, I think.”

Kono laughs for a second, but leans down a presses brief kiss to Steve’s lips. Danny knows this is ridiculous, he wants to say how ridiculous this is, but for a second there, he holds his breath—but nothing happens.

“Sorry, Grace. Guess I’m not a princess.” Kono gives her an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay, you tried your best.” Grace sighs. “But it doesn’t have to be a princess. It still should have worked.”

“Well, maybe it takes some time to really get to working. Come on, why don’t we go swim some more while we wait for this magic stuff to kick in, huh?”

Grace is reluctant to go, which is a first, her being less than enthusiastic about splashing around in the ocean. But she gets back into it, and the next thing Danny knows, Rachel’s showing up to collect Grace. Danny sends Kono home shortly after that; she’s already sacrificed most her weekend to this, she might as well get to have some fun tonight. Not that they are probably going to work in the morning, since the team is sort of on leave due to Steve’s sudden outbreak of the chicken pox.

tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified 6/6

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

He settles into the chair next to Steve’s bed— seriously, he’s pretty sure this thing is going to have a permanent imprint of Danny’s butt when this all done with—and watches Steve’s chest steadily rise and fall.

“So, just you and me again,” Danny pauses, catching himself staring at the slight curve of Steve’s lips, lax in sleep. Grace’s suggestion pops back into his head. He quickly shakes it away. “No, that’s—ridiculous. Well, not anymore ridiculous than a lady popping out of a coconut, but still. Ridiculous. If it didn’t work for Kono, it sure as hell isn’t going to work for me, right?”

Steve just keeps on snoring. Danny wishes it was less of a comforting sound.

“And what am I doing asking you for, huh? What, you’re going to just answer me now, because you’ve been so talkative all week. Jeez, I’m still doing it.” Danny sighs, resting his head on his hands. He takes a few deeps breaths before standing up and squaring his shoulders.

“Not like you’ll notice, right?” he says, voice coming out as a harsh whisper. Carefully, he strokes his fingertips down Steve’s sleep-smoothed cheek. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

He leans over and brushes his lips over Steve’s slowly, then pulls back. His shoulders slump as he exhales, mentally adding to the list “7. Kissing. a) by Kono b) by Danny”. Then a small movement catches his attention. Steve’s eyelids—nah, that was just the usual. You know, REM stuff.

But then it happens again, this time accompanied by a quiet groaning sound.

“Steve?” Danny asks quietly, hardly—no, not even believing this is happening yet.

Steve scrunches up his nose, slowly bringing an arm up to rub at his eyes. “Danny, what is—”

For the record, Danny did not, for all intents and purposes, launch himself at Steve and hug the stuffing out of him. Off the record, that is exactly what he did, all while muttering “Thank God, fuck, Steve. Do you see why coconuts are the root of evil now? What were you even—but you’re okay now. You’re okay. Shit, never again.”

Danny pulls back after a few more moments, only a little bit, though, as Steve’s arms seemed to have stubbornly latched around his midsection. Danny didn’t really have plans to go anywhere else, anyway. Steve’s got a dopey grin on his face.

“What?” Danny asks, defensively. Steve just shakes his head. “No, come on, don’t give me that. Tell me what’s got you grinning all goofy.”

“Just this,” Steve says, tugging Danny forward and pressing their mouths together. And, well, if this kiss goes on much longer than the first, Danny sure isn’t going to complain.

Later, when they do break apart and Danny’s hands limit themselves to rubbing soft circles against Steve’s back in their quest to reassure themselves that this is happening, Danny’s going to ask what the hell all of this has been about, and make Steve promise not to piss of ancient tree spirits ever again. Much later, when Danny finally settles down to sleeping, tucked up against Steve, Steve will call Chin and Kono to tell them he’s fine. But for right now, Danny’s just focused on this, fingers twisting in Steve’s t-shirt, knowing that this moment is all that matters.






THE END.

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[somehowunbroken]

I can picture the look on Danny's face when Grace comes up with the 'kiss the princess' plan. It's pretty much priceless. :D And now there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head that Steve knew the coconut fairy thing, knew what he was doing with the true love's kiss curse... ow, brain, stop.

:D

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ha, i think Danny's face throughout this entire thing would probably be the most hilarious sight ever.
;D

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[aredblush.livejournal.com]

AND THEN THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER :D

BEST FAIRY TALE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

ahaha, I forgot that parrt! eh. 1 AM brain is not the quickest on the uptake.

THANK YOOOOOOUUUU! :D :D :D :D

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[angelgazing.livejournal.com]

OH, DANNY. SO SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE, BUDDY.

THIS IS SO ADORABLE OMG <333333333

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

HE LIKES TO TAKE HIS TIME, OKAY? LOTS OR TIME TAKING. AND HE CLEARLY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ANY FAIRY TALE GIVEN THE THING WITH THE PEA.

THANK YOU! <33333

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[supergreak.livejournal.com]

awesome and adorable. from the mouths of babes. "Have you tried the kissing thing?"
YAY

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad you liked it :D

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[grimcognito.livejournal.com]

Of course Gracie would have the right answers! She's a masterind of princess plots!

This is a super cute story! Now we just need knight-in-shining-armor Danny to fight an island dragon. *nods*

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

thank you! Ha, I really don't know why all adults don't just immediately find a little kid and ask them what to do in these scenarios. seems like the obvious answer. :D

Oh my gosh, can you imagine the griping? "It's 100 degrees out, and what am I doing? Climbing up a fucking mountain side in chainmail, to face down a fire breathing dragon, when all the normal people, who don't have crazy partners causing hell wherever they go --seriously, he had to wake a fucking dragon up, didn't he? who even does that? How did he even find the goddamned thing in the first place?-- all those normal people are inside, where it's air conditioned. I'm going to fight a dragon since my idiot partner decided to go get himself kidnapped."

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[jtsbbsps-dk.livejournal.com]

So fucking brilliant, I can't even..!!!!! Sleeping Steve is LOVE!!! <3<3

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! ♥

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

The kissing thing! Yay for kissing!

Seriously, this is 17 kinds of adorable. \o/

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!! :D

For those of you who like it when there aren't a ton of typos...

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Posted a cleaned up version here (http://chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com/37025.html), which probably has less typos. Probably. not that typos aren't love, in my language.

Re: tale as old as all this island bullshit. or, why Danny feels his hatred of coconuts is justified

[teddibear.livejournal.com]

OMG this is too funny. Only Steve could be enchanted by a witch coming from a magical coconut! And I love how it takes Gracie to come up with the solution. After all the fairy tales that Danny has read, he does not remember that it is usually "true love's kiss" that awakens the sleeping person? Doh! Loved the list of solutions and the tactical approaches as well. Hee. Lovely cliche :)