letters, yay

[angelgazing]

Dear Jon Stewart,

Congrats on the new kid! No, really. I'm not even sort of hung up on the idea of you with a little girl. Not at all. Because I may've turned into a girl, but I'm not that much of a girl.

(Oh my god, I still get all wibbly at the idea of you with your son being all 'little man' and you should never talk about your kids again because I sort of want to have your babies or something.)

Really, congrats.

Love,
Me


Dear Ovaries,

Knock it off. For reals now.

No love at all,
Me


Dear Members of the Smallville fandom,

Please to be catching me up on the important things now. And by the important things I of course mean the Have Clark and Lex Slept Together Yet things. Because if Lana would be so kind as to fall over and die I'd be completely cool with that. Actually, that might make me like it more.

Also: If you could just tell me when James Marsters is going to be on there, I would love you for like, ever. Or at least until I forget you. But I've got a decent memory when it counts.

Kisses,
Me


Dear LJ,

I GET IT ALRIGHT. My paid time is running out. The two e-mails in half and hour informed me. So, like, that's why I clicked on the link. That's why I decided that for my horrible, no good, very bad birthday I was getting a year of LJ and icons to boot. That's why I set up automatic payments.

Now give me my damn icons, please. Because if this didn't work and then I don't get my three months free I am going to be so very cranky. You won't like me that cranky, I promise.

Sternly,
Me


Dear Person Who Always Manages to Make Me Feel Bad About Myself,

Please knock it off. I know that I'm stupid and childish and overly eager to please, but I've never done anything bad to you. I've never done anything like they've done. I don't know why you like them more. I do, I guess, because I know me well enough, but I don't know why you don't like me. Which is stupid, I guess, because again, I know me well enough.

I wish I didn't care, Person Who Always Manages to Make Me Feel Bad About Myself, I really wish I didn't, but I'm not wired that way and you make me feel stupid and childish and overly eager to please. You make me feel gnat sized. You make me feel like I'll never matter (to you or anyone else.)

Gnat sized and discontent with you,
Me


Dear Katie Holmes,

For the love of God girl, why? WHY?! What made you think that Tom Cruise should reproduce? Was there a sharp blow to the head involved? Jesus Christ, talk about things that make me feel for humanity.

Freaked out kthx,
Me


Dear Irate Uncle,

STFU. Seriously. It's been a week, get over it.

Over this,
Me


Dear Arrested Development DVDs,

You will be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine.

Longingly,
Me


Dear LJ,

Seriously now, I want my 100 icons. There is no way to properly state how hacked off I will be if I do not get them soonish.

Very Sternly,
Me


Dear CSI: NY Wardrobe Persons,

Which ever one of you who put my Danny is those pants? The ones that were all low slung with the stripes and such? Please come forth now, as I'd like to give you my first born in gratitude. And yes that really was what I paid attention to for the largest part of the show.

LOVE YOU,
Me


Dear Veronica Mars Writers,

If your trying to make me think Veronica/Lamb thoughts, then good show. If you aren't, then stop it. Actually even if you are stop it. I've got enough ship issues on this show.

(Veronica/Weevil/Logan OT3!)

Hmph,
Me


Dear Writing,

Anytime you want to get easier that would be a-ok with me.

Missing you,
Me


Dear Quarterly Report,

Do yourself, dammit.

Hate,
Me

Comments

[moonflower-rose.livejournal.com]

hey dude...happy birthday. hope your ovaries and all those other things treat you better soonish. and ditto on the katie holmes thing. for gods sake, the man was married twice before and almost engaged, and still no one would have his babies. there is a reason for this!!! take care!

[angelgazing.livejournal.com]

Thank you! lol

My mom pointed out that his last divorce was because she was pregnant and he said he couldn't have children. I'm not sure how true that is, but there you go. I think Nicole Kidman has grounds for, I dunno, hiring someone to make a voodoo doll. She can get with the community of people who have actually studied psychology and medicine and together they can all like put pins in his little voodoo doll balls or something.

Also, maybe I'm just too amused by this whole thing. ::giggles::

[laurificus.livejournal.com]

So, the Katie Holmes thing? Wouldn't you be kinda upset if you were the guy she went out with for like six years when she was all 'No, I will never sleep with anyone until we're married?' I mean, *I* would be. Also, on the news yesterday (and what the hell was it doing on the news, as a side issue?) it said that Scientologists believed in silent births, because if the mother screams the child could fall victim to irrational fears and paranoia. I laughed and laughed, and then kinda laughed some more, because, seriously, do you think she knows this?

[angelgazing.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'd be upset. I mean, you know his friends are giving him shit for that. "Oh, oh looks like your virgin gave it up for Tom Cruise. Don't you wish you were Tom Cruise? Then you could've got some action. [stupid frat boy snickering]"

Plus, you know, I just don't like Tom Cruise. I think the man needs professional help. Dude needs to be medicated or something.

TVGuide.com reported the silent thing and then said, "So I guess we'll get to see how good of an actress she really is." lmao I, kind of think I'll stick to that theory. And I'll sit back and laugh with you. And then, you know, I'll laugh some more.

[laurificus.livejournal.com]

Laughter is really the only answer.

I used to like him, and then he went like batshit crazy. Someone seriously should get him help, because it's not normal. And I just don't get why he's pretending to be this sickeningly in love. It's not like he *actually* needs the publicity, you know? I'm pretty sure his films make money regardless.