angelgazing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angelgazing) wrote2009-07-01 02:53 pm
angelgazing) wrote2009-07-01 02:53 pm
Entry tags:
everybody knows the good guys lost
I've got a math test tonight that I've been studying very hard for. No, no, really. Well, you know, kind of. I've been studying and doing homework with SPN DVDs playing, lately. It's only semi-effective.
I've started in on season 3 again, and somewhere around 4:30 this morning I threw my books aside to sit and watch Mystery Spot again.
Because really, Mystery Spot is the Sam/Dean fic of my heart. That's the only way to explain it. I mean, the banter! The bickering! Sam slowly coming unhinged! The hug, there, at the end! "Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?" I have semi-coherent thoughts as well, I swear, they just tend to get muddled by all the flailing.
For instance: Mystery Spot was really where Sam started to lose it--and understandably so. I think a lot of his actions in season four can be tracked back to that, to him watching Dean die again and again and again, and not being able to stop it no matter how hard he tried. Hell, I think all of Sam's motives throughout season four stemmed from that, right there.
He couldn't save Dean. He couldn't save him on any given Tuesday, he couldn't save him on Wednesday, he couldn't save him when his time came up, and he couldn't save him from hell. Sam had to stand back and watch someone else be the one to bring Dean back, and the least he could do was everything that might be near his power to do to keep Dean from ever going back, especially since Dean was there in the first place for him.
I'm not saying their relationship isn't kind of fucked up, and self-sacrificing, and ridiculously co-dependent, but I am saying... Ok, look, Sam was fucking crazycakes, and he was desperate and willing to do whatever it took long before Dean ever went to hell. And, well, it kind of makes sense.
Through season four, through the lies, and the crazy, and the demon blood, Sam really was just trying to save Dean, collateral damaged be damned.
Even if you're looking it at straight from canon, fandom and OTP issues and fangirling aside, Sam and Dean really are the most important people in each others' lives. They are together 24/7, they've fought side by side, they've faced death and seen the gates of hell open and close. There is never a time when Dean wouldn't take the burden of something to keep it from Sam, even when they were kids and John didn't show up for Christmas. They've saved people! and hunted things! and they've seen the worst days the other has had. They've each had to watch the other die, and they've both--in their own way--sold their souls to save the other.
Sam couldn't stand the thought of losing Dean, and then he had to, over and over and over. And really, those boys break my heart in so many pieces it's not even funny. Because after all that, when it comes down to it, he's willing to lose Dean, and himself, just to save Dean in the only way he thinks he can.
Now I want like 2329372 more post Mystery Spot fics. Maybe I can just reread the ones already out there. You know, and study for this math test I've got in a couple of hours.
I've started in on season 3 again, and somewhere around 4:30 this morning I threw my books aside to sit and watch Mystery Spot again.
Because really, Mystery Spot is the Sam/Dean fic of my heart. That's the only way to explain it. I mean, the banter! The bickering! Sam slowly coming unhinged! The hug, there, at the end! "Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?" I have semi-coherent thoughts as well, I swear, they just tend to get muddled by all the flailing.
For instance: Mystery Spot was really where Sam started to lose it--and understandably so. I think a lot of his actions in season four can be tracked back to that, to him watching Dean die again and again and again, and not being able to stop it no matter how hard he tried. Hell, I think all of Sam's motives throughout season four stemmed from that, right there.
He couldn't save Dean. He couldn't save him on any given Tuesday, he couldn't save him on Wednesday, he couldn't save him when his time came up, and he couldn't save him from hell. Sam had to stand back and watch someone else be the one to bring Dean back, and the least he could do was everything that might be near his power to do to keep Dean from ever going back, especially since Dean was there in the first place for him.
I'm not saying their relationship isn't kind of fucked up, and self-sacrificing, and ridiculously co-dependent, but I am saying... Ok, look, Sam was fucking crazycakes, and he was desperate and willing to do whatever it took long before Dean ever went to hell. And, well, it kind of makes sense.
Through season four, through the lies, and the crazy, and the demon blood, Sam really was just trying to save Dean, collateral damaged be damned.
Even if you're looking it at straight from canon, fandom and OTP issues and fangirling aside, Sam and Dean really are the most important people in each others' lives. They are together 24/7, they've fought side by side, they've faced death and seen the gates of hell open and close. There is never a time when Dean wouldn't take the burden of something to keep it from Sam, even when they were kids and John didn't show up for Christmas. They've saved people! and hunted things! and they've seen the worst days the other has had. They've each had to watch the other die, and they've both--in their own way--sold their souls to save the other.
Sam couldn't stand the thought of losing Dean, and then he had to, over and over and over. And really, those boys break my heart in so many pieces it's not even funny. Because after all that, when it comes down to it, he's willing to lose Dean, and himself, just to save Dean in the only way he thinks he can.
Now I want like 2329372 more post Mystery Spot fics. Maybe I can just reread the ones already out there. You know, and study for this math test I've got in a couple of hours.