this entire post is a spoiler

[angelgazing]

I am not calm! I am not even kind of calm now! How could this be? How could Kripke do this to me? HOW COULD HE LEAVE ME LIKE THIS? I didn't ask for a lot! I just asked that Sam and Dean not be separated when the show ended! That's all! I didn't care if they were in heaven, hell, or Kansas! I didn't! AS LONG AS THEY WERE THERE TOGETHER.

I made noises only the dogs could hear when it was Carry On My Wayward Son, again, at the beginning. Which I just realized I don't have! Why don't I have this song? God, like there isn't enough wrong with the word?

It was doing so good! Dean was all, "You're a grown...overgrown... man." And then Sam made him promise not to try and get him out! BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. Their epic love saved the day! It was a love poem to the Impala, and--let me repeat--THEIR EPIC LOVE SAVED THE DAY. And Dean! Dean being all, "then I'm not gonna let him die alone!" And my heart exploded and I cried SO HARD, you guys, I should have had a drink before this shit, OMG. And he gets there! And their epic love saves the day and Dean just says, "it's ok, Sammy" and "I'm not gonna leave you," and it's not like I wasn't incoherent most of the day anyway, but Jesus. The soldier! Dean keeping all those things! The car and Dean and Sam, and it was HOME, oh, you guys. I just... These boys! I have loved these boys through so many ups and downs for five years now, no matter how much they hurt me. And I wasn't ready to let them go and I'm so afraid for what's still to come. And the thing is, the thing is, I can take whatever the throw at me as long as they are together. I don't mean in a crazy OTP way--though I am SO crazy OTP about them--but in general. There is no one in the world they love more than each other. There is nowhere else either of them would want to be at the end than side-by-side.

I have other things, other thoughts, about the Lucifer/Michael, and Kripke, I'm sorry, Chuck being god, and why didn't the necklace ever do anything special and WHAT WAS THE POINT, and fuck you Kripke for breaking up with fandom, you were a shitty boyfriend ANYWAY. And what was the point of breaking my heart with Dean throwing the amulet away if it wasn't going to come up again anyway, you asshole? I had one request! One teeny, tiny request! And look, I am mostly incoherent with the !!! of the end. I swear to god, I called musesfool and I'm not sure how she understood I word I was saying from all the verbal exclamation points. I can't go in depth on those other thoughts right now though, because I keep getting back to this:

I have watched this show for the Epic Love Story of Sam and Dean. I have watched every second of this show for that. That right there. Their stupid codependent soulmate love. Crazy shipper issues aside, I say this, you guys. Even in the most platonic of ways, Sam and Dean aren't whole without each other. And Kripke gave me all of that, and then he tried to take it away. And here's the thing, ok, those boys are never going to love anything as much as they love each other. They are never going to want anything as much as they want the other to be healthy and happy and whole. And god dammit, I love them for it, and I will be there for ever single second of it that I can get.